BIZARRO!!!

In a previous post I had mentioned how Michael Beasley was a Bizarro version of Shawn Marion. That notion (along with another post about Jason Maxiell being a Bizarro Dwight Howard...which is entirely true, by the way) got me thinking: is it possible for an entire NBA team to be a Bizarro-world counterpart of another team?


Yeah, that answers my question. The New York Knicks are most definitely a bizarro Phoenix Suns. Before we even look at the rosters, think about it:

One franchise has had a renaissance in the last five years, while the other has only fallen further into abomination. Then, just as the Knicks start to move the pieces around in order to hopefully right the ship, the Suns lose in the first round to their longtime rival San Antonio Spurs in 5 games.

On one hand, you have a cheapskate owner who refuses to hold on to valuable draft picks or approach the luxury tax (I'm looking at you, Mr. Sarver), despite the merits of players. On the other hand, you have an owner who is willing to throw money at the most marginal talent.

Then, you look at the coaches (or should I say former coaches?): both former point guards, one who was one of Europe's greatest and another who was an all-time great here in America. Both coaches also functioned as GM until recent circumstances removed them from that position.

If you're really confused on what a Bizarro is, check out the Wikipedia. But for a general idea, keep in mind that Bizarro Supes has most of the original Superman's powers, but in reverse (heat vision and ice breath become ice vision and heat breath). Wiki defines a Bizarro in popular culture as "anything that has twisted logic or that is the opposite of something else." Keep in mind that although Bizarro is opposite of Superman in some ways, he's also similar in form (general structure, costume, some powers). But let's look at what really makes the Knickerbockers the BizarroSuns:


Steve Nash and Stephon Marbury






















Nash photo from ESPN. Marbury photo from Sports Illustrated.

Steve Nash: 6'3''-178
Stephon Marbury: 6'2''-205

This one is probably the most obvious. Nash has two additions to his trophy case for his ability to make players around him better. Marbury...does not. He was once called the "worst teammate I've ever had" by Tim Thomas (who later thrived alongside Nash, coincidentally), and has been traded from the T-Wolves, Nets, and Suns (!!) because he was considered a cancer to the team.

Still, over their careers, they've put up similar numbers (Nash's 14.3 PPG-7.9 AST-3.0 REB to Marbury's 19.7 PPG-7.8 AST-3.0 REB), and can be equally prolific scorers. Both can make it to the basket for easy layups, or step out to shoot the three.

Also notable: they were both 1st round picks in the 1996 Draft (Nash was 15th, Marbury was 4th).


Raja Bell and Jamal Crawford























Raja Bell photo from Suns360. Crawford photo from RotoRob.

Raja Bell: 6'5''-215
Jamal Crawford: 6'5''-190

Raja spent time in four different cities as a lockdown defender before finding his niche with the Suns in that capacity, while also showing great touch from long range. He remains one of the few three point threats left on this Suns roster, one that was supposed to be prolific in that area. Still, as good as his shooting will ever be, Bell will always be valuable because of his defense.

Crawford is a volume shooter who is nothing but offense. Sure, he can score, but it takes him 17 attempts to put up 20 points. He can shoot from midrange and handle the rock a bit, but is most deadly from three when he catches fire. On defense he leaves a lot to be desired; Crawford often gambles for steals or gets burned entirely. Still, he can be a very valuable part of a team due to his scoring and his passing ability from the 2.

Also notable: Both began their careers in 2000; Bell was undrafted, and Crawford was taken in the first round.


Grant Hill and Jared Jeffries





























Hill photo from NBAE/Barry Gossage. Jeffries photo from the New York Post.

Grant Hill: 6'8''-225
Jared Jeffries: 6'11''-240

Throughout his career, Grant Hill's value has been in his ability to do everything. He could score, he could rebound, he could pass, and he could do some floor slaps on his way to patented Duke defense. Jeffries was supposed to be the same type of player, but somewhere along the line completely jumped the Bizarro shark. Jared Jeffries is a 6'11'' SF that should be able to do more than play defense, yet has shown himself to be completely incapable of any offensive production whatsoever. The biggest criticism of Grant Hill in the twilight of his career is that while he is a help on offense, he may lack the mobility to be a solid defender. Still, both players do their best offensive work from midrange, and seems pretty incapable of being a reliable long-range threat. Jeffries has the physical tools and the athleticism to be a Grant Hill-type player in a Jack-of-all-trades capacity, but for some reason...just isn't good. In so many words, despite some surges of defensive intensity and ability, Jeffries succeeds in his ability to do absolutely nothing.


Amare Stoudemire and Zach Randolph























Amare photo from Bballstands. Randolph photo from Sports Illustrated.

Amare Stoudemire: 6'10''-245
Zach Randolph: 6'9''-260

Amare Stoudemire is a player that scores by using his tremendous athleticism and explosiveness to beat his opponents to the rim. Zach Randoph is a play that scores by using his tremendous girth and tenacity to beat his opponents to the rim, or from midrange. Both put up gaudy stats, but they could not be more opposite; if you only looked at a box score, you might think they play similarly (and to some extent you'd be correct, at least on the defensive side of the ball). But Amare's rock the rim hijinks and Randolph's game of short range jumpers aren't even comparable, unless you're looking strictly at position.

Also notable: the two got to this point in their careers through vastly different paths: Stoudemire showed strong play right off the bat, stealing the Rookie of the Year from Yao Ming. Zach Randolph however, grabbed the polar opposite award: the Most Improved Player, marking his ability to increase his production from his rookie season.


Shaquille O'Neal and Eddy Curry




























Shaq photo from FOX Sports. Curry photo from Dropping Dimes.

Shaquille O'Neal: 7'1''-325
Eddy Curry: 6'11'' 285 (I have a hard time believing that number. In the words of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar, "Yeah...in your bra!")

Heavyweight on heavyweight, here we have the battle of the titans. Shaquille O'Neal is a career monster, pulling down rebounds and scoring at will against almost anyone (until recently, of course). Eddy Curry is a perennial softy, putting the ball in the bucket but rebounding at the rate of a 2 guard camped out on the arc. In Shaq you have a 2.4 BPG presence over his career, not to mention one of the best passing big men the game has seen. In Eddy Curry, you have the inspiration of the Eddy Curry Line, a measure of futility in averaging more turnovers than steals, blocks, and assists combined. Though similar in build and physical tools, Curry has proven himself to be a true Shaq Bizarro.


Leandro Barbosa and Nate Robinson
















Barbosa photo from BBall City. Robinson photo from NBA.com.

Leandro Barbosa: 6'3''-202
Nate Robinson: 5'9''-180

Both lightning fast spark plugs off the bench for their respective teams, two vastly different players. One is a one-man fast break who spots up to shoot from three. The other, despite being six inches shorter, is a Slam Dunk Champion and is known for his prowess at getting up in the air, while also being able to shoot from behind the arc. Barbosa is a very efficient player, hitting a 17.15 PER off the bench over the last two seasons, while Robinson posted a 15.15 PER (still impressive, but hasn't made the "jump" from slightly above average to efficient contributor). Barbosa had consistent PT as a sixth man, while Robinson was thrust in and out of starting or even playing in general, enduring Isiah's rocky line-up as opposed to D'Antoni's rock steady rotation.

Also notable: Robinson was actually drafted by the Suns in the 2005 draft.


Boris Diaw and David Lee




















Diaw photo from Phoenix Suns Rising. Lee photo from Collect Sports.

Boris Diaw: 6'8''-235
David Lee: 6'9''-240

Both are hyper-talented big men coming off their team's bench. Because of Amare's surgery, Diaw perhaps got the opportunity that Lee never had: a consistent starting gig with reliable minutes. Instead, Lee has had to claw his way onto the court, and rebound like a monster while he's at it and showing that he's not afraid of contact on the way up. Diaw on the other hand, is the yin to Lee's yang, playing with finesse rather than power, relying on a pretty baby hook or setting up his teammates with his superior passing game. Lee is by no means brutish, but his physical style will never be confused with Diaw's.



And well, if you want to be picky, I guess the real Bizarro logo would be like this:


EDIT: Just some clarifications.